Hello Everyone,

 

Today was an eye-opening day for me it was also filled with confusion, disappointment & sadness.  I have always tried to live my life by being honest, doing the right thing and treating people the way I would want to be treated.  I haven't always been successful at it and I admit I have lied about certain things not necessarily for personal gain but for the sparing of peoples feelings.  I think those are called "little white lies" and I haven't always done the right thing or made the people around me do the right thing but I have felt the consequences from not doing the right thing or making those around me do the right thing and I have learned my lesson.  I have always forgiven those people that have hurt me or who I have thought have wronged me in some way.  I may not forgive at first but eventually I do.  Our relationships may never be the same after that but I have forgave them.  The old saying is forgive but never forget.  In alot of ways that is true, because if you forget them you are prone to make the same mistake twice.  Another trait that I have always tried to practice is to find goodness in everyone.  Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets and I try my best to not let that influence my judgement of that person.  I am not a church going person, don't get me wrong I believe in God and churches do some wonderful things for less fortunate people but for the most part it is just not the scene that I want to be around.  There are always those that look down on you, will be one of the biggest hell raisers in town and will be sitting there in the pew beside you passing judgement.  I just don't understand that.  You are probably wondering why I am talking about all these values that I have tried to live my life by and why I am confused, disappointed and have a heart filled with sadness, well I am going to tell you.  Back when I seperated from my husband Rick there had been these 2 neighbors that I had lived by for 7 years.  My husband didn't like them and couldn't get along with them and I never really had an opinion of them one way or the other.  I had heard things about them, good and bad but like I said before I try not to let anyone else sway my opinion in either direction.  When I would see them I would wave and say hello or if I my lawnmower had thrown grass on their property and they came to tell me about it I was always polite and apologized.  Well when Rick and I seperated I had a foster son still living me and my kids and he was looking for some part-time work I suggested that he go talk to the ladies next door and ask them if they need any help with their farm.  They did and started letting him weed-eat, cut grass, you know stuff like that and because of that we got to know each other and started hanging out.  For about a year there wasn't a hardly a day that went by that we weren't over there or they were at my house or we were talking on the phone or planning excursions together.  I felt very fortunate to have found such wonderful friends.  Don't get me wrong they had their quirks but it was things I didn't dwell on or condemn them for because I considered them my friends no matter what as I am sure they felt the same way about me.  Well along around the end of July/August of this year we had a disagreement one day and the next day our friendship was over.  We had cut and sold firewood together and had some left over they wouldn't let us have our share of it.  They had cleared a piece of their farm for us to plant a garden on and then we werent' allowed back on their property to maintain the garden and we had also had a yard sale together and I had stored my leftover yardsale stuff in their barn because we had planned to have another one in the fall and I wasn't allowed to get any that stuff either.  The day after the disagreement the ladies called my realtor and said that I had major sewer, drainage and structural damage, they also called Child Protective Services on me and said that I was an unfit mother and with my experience of being a foster parent that meant that I was guilty until I proved I wasn't unfit.  Talk about being taken aback.  I was completely dumbfounded.  I tried calling them to see what the heck was going on and they wouldn't talk to me.  I ended up moving and we called a lawyer to see if we had a case and if he thought we would be able to get our stuff back and compensation on the garden.  He said yes that it was a verbal agreement and we shouldn't have any problems.  BOY WAS HE WRONG.  We went to court today and proved our case and when it came time for them to respond they did nothing but lie.  I mean one lie right after the other.  They even had witnesses that got up there and lied as well.  Again I was completely dumbfounded.  When we walked into that court room we all took an oath to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Well after the magistrate listened to everything he rendered a decision that it was nothing more than a friendship gone bad and because we didn't have a contract stating that all this was happening our word didn't mean squat. Sorry about your bad decision making on picking and trusting friends.  I am confused and disappointed that the court system didn't seem to care that she kept all my stuff.  Had we been living together I could have got my stuff back.  It doesn't make sense to me.  Now for the sadness part.  Like I said before there are certain ways I have tried to live my life and how to treat people.  Had the shoe been on the other foot I would have let them have their stuff, still maintain their garden and given them half the firewood because it was the right thing to do.  My husband has pretty much done the same thing in our divorce proceedings.  He has lied about everything, he has assaulted me and he messes with my childs head, he can refuse to do stuff and it doesn't matter.  I try to be the bigger person.  I make sacrifices to keep peace with him.  It makes me very sad to know that everything I have ever been taught by my parents and the way I have lived my life doesn't count for shit.  It makes me ask myself do I really need or want friends?  Should I still be the bigger person in situations?  Should I quit wasting my time by trying to teach my 10 year old not to lie?  Should I not trust anyone and stab them in the back at every chance I get?  Should I only trust family members and can I really trust family members?  Those are some of the questions that are waying heavily on my mind and heart this evening.

 

Until next time

 

Jennie