My Unbelievable World

Hello Everyone!!

 

Well since my last blog entry I did some serious soul searching and asked myself what kind of person I wanted to be and I fast forwarded to my funeral and I thought about how I wanted to be remembered, as a kind person who was always trying to help people, to put their needs ahead of mine and always did the right thing and if I didn't do the right thing a couple of times they could at least say that I learned from my poor judgement and didn't do it again OR what a bitter ole' bitch she was and I am so glad that she won't be reaking havic on the world anymore.  I chose the first option of course and told myself that it was their loss and me a being a firm believer in Karma knows that one day it will come back on them.  (Shawn if you are out there reading this please know that I appreciated your comment you left me.  It really lifted me out of the dark place I was and made me think about the stuff I just wrote.  Thank you.) 

 

later taters!!

 

Jennie

 

 

Hello Everyone,

 

Today was an eye-opening day for me it was also filled with confusion, disappointment & sadness.  I have always tried to live my life by being honest, doing the right thing and treating people the way I would want to be treated.  I haven't always been successful at it and I admit I have lied about certain things not necessarily for personal gain but for the sparing of peoples feelings.  I think those are called "little white lies" and I haven't always done the right thing or made the people around me do the right thing but I have felt the consequences from not doing the right thing or making those around me do the right thing and I have learned my lesson.  I have always forgiven those people that have hurt me or who I have thought have wronged me in some way.  I may not forgive at first but eventually I do.  Our relationships may never be the same after that but I have forgave them.  The old saying is forgive but never forget.  In alot of ways that is true, because if you forget them you are prone to make the same mistake twice.  Another trait that I have always tried to practice is to find goodness in everyone.  Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets and I try my best to not let that influence my judgement of that person.  I am not a church going person, don't get me wrong I believe in God and churches do some wonderful things for less fortunate people but for the most part it is just not the scene that I want to be around.  There are always those that look down on you, will be one of the biggest hell raisers in town and will be sitting there in the pew beside you passing judgement.  I just don't understand that.  You are probably wondering why I am talking about all these values that I have tried to live my life by and why I am confused, disappointed and have a heart filled with sadness, well I am going to tell you.  Back when I seperated from my husband Rick there had been these 2 neighbors that I had lived by for 7 years.  My husband didn't like them and couldn't get along with them and I never really had an opinion of them one way or the other.  I had heard things about them, good and bad but like I said before I try not to let anyone else sway my opinion in either direction.  When I would see them I would wave and say hello or if I my lawnmower had thrown grass on their property and they came to tell me about it I was always polite and apologized.  Well when Rick and I seperated I had a foster son still living me and my kids and he was looking for some part-time work I suggested that he go talk to the ladies next door and ask them if they need any help with their farm.  They did and started letting him weed-eat, cut grass, you know stuff like that and because of that we got to know each other and started hanging out.  For about a year there wasn't a hardly a day that went by that we weren't over there or they were at my house or we were talking on the phone or planning excursions together.  I felt very fortunate to have found such wonderful friends.  Don't get me wrong they had their quirks but it was things I didn't dwell on or condemn them for because I considered them my friends no matter what as I am sure they felt the same way about me.  Well along around the end of July/August of this year we had a disagreement one day and the next day our friendship was over.  We had cut and sold firewood together and had some left over they wouldn't let us have our share of it.  They had cleared a piece of their farm for us to plant a garden on and then we werent' allowed back on their property to maintain the garden and we had also had a yard sale together and I had stored my leftover yardsale stuff in their barn because we had planned to have another one in the fall and I wasn't allowed to get any that stuff either.  The day after the disagreement the ladies called my realtor and said that I had major sewer, drainage and structural damage, they also called Child Protective Services on me and said that I was an unfit mother and with my experience of being a foster parent that meant that I was guilty until I proved I wasn't unfit.  Talk about being taken aback.  I was completely dumbfounded.  I tried calling them to see what the heck was going on and they wouldn't talk to me.  I ended up moving and we called a lawyer to see if we had a case and if he thought we would be able to get our stuff back and compensation on the garden.  He said yes that it was a verbal agreement and we shouldn't have any problems.  BOY WAS HE WRONG.  We went to court today and proved our case and when it came time for them to respond they did nothing but lie.  I mean one lie right after the other.  They even had witnesses that got up there and lied as well.  Again I was completely dumbfounded.  When we walked into that court room we all took an oath to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  Well after the magistrate listened to everything he rendered a decision that it was nothing more than a friendship gone bad and because we didn't have a contract stating that all this was happening our word didn't mean squat. Sorry about your bad decision making on picking and trusting friends.  I am confused and disappointed that the court system didn't seem to care that she kept all my stuff.  Had we been living together I could have got my stuff back.  It doesn't make sense to me.  Now for the sadness part.  Like I said before there are certain ways I have tried to live my life and how to treat people.  Had the shoe been on the other foot I would have let them have their stuff, still maintain their garden and given them half the firewood because it was the right thing to do.  My husband has pretty much done the same thing in our divorce proceedings.  He has lied about everything, he has assaulted me and he messes with my childs head, he can refuse to do stuff and it doesn't matter.  I try to be the bigger person.  I make sacrifices to keep peace with him.  It makes me very sad to know that everything I have ever been taught by my parents and the way I have lived my life doesn't count for shit.  It makes me ask myself do I really need or want friends?  Should I still be the bigger person in situations?  Should I quit wasting my time by trying to teach my 10 year old not to lie?  Should I not trust anyone and stab them in the back at every chance I get?  Should I only trust family members and can I really trust family members?  Those are some of the questions that are waying heavily on my mind and heart this evening.

 

Until next time

 

Jennie

 

Seasons Greetings!!!

 

I just wanted to let everyone know that Hell once again has frozen over.  You are all probably wondering what the heck is this chick talking about.  Well I'm going to tell you.  My soon-to-be ex-husband Rick has finally seen the light when it comes to our "special needs" child, Christian.  The best way to explain it is to start from the beginning.  So here goes....As you are aware of  Rick and I have been separated since June of 2006 and since that time he has refused to admit that Christian isn't like every child out there and that I knew what I was talking about.  Anything and everything that he could do to destroy any progress I made with Christian as far as his behavior and schooling he would do.  To give you a little background on Christian, he had been in foster care since he was 2 and came to be with us when he was 5.  We adopted him when he was 7.  He soon will be 11.  He has ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder.  He is a compulsive liar and will argue with anybody about anything whether he is right or not.  Can be very stressful.  (See grey hair around my temples LOL)  The attachment disorder is hard to swallow sometimes because I know in my heart that if a total stranger walked up to Christian and promised him the world he would go and not look back.  He will go with whoever has the best or easiest deal for him.  That is why he desperately wanted to go live with his father.  He didn't have any responsibilites of any kind, he knew his dad wouldn't make him do his homework or anything for that matter.  Rick played on this to no end and then one day I decided to let him go.  I knew that things would never get better until Rick had to deal with it 24/7.  I was tired of fighting with him and Christian and I knew it would be only a matter of months before the honeymoon period wore off with Christian and Rick would see that I had been telling him the truth all this time.  It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make and on top of it my family accused me of giving up all my children for the man I am with.  Everyone has an opinion but until they walk a mile in my shoes they shouldn't pass judgement or offer advice when they haven't a clue what is going on.  But thats another blog entry someday or an entry in my journal.  Anyway about 2 weeks ago the light came on in Ricks head, his eyes opened wide and everything just clicked for him.  Thank God.  He called me and told me he couldn't deal with it anymore and didn't know what to do.  We had planned for Christian to move back in with me over Christmas break but it came a little sooner than that because Christian got suspended from school for threatening another child and Rick lost it.  Needless to say Christian is now here with me.  In the last 2 days I have managed to get Christian set up with a new therapist, pediatrician, dentist, school and into some intramural sports.  Hopefully with Rick on my side now we can make some progress with Christians "special needs" and move on with our lives.  Wish me luck. 

 

Have a good one!!

 

Jennie

 

Hello Everyone!

 

I have some time this morning and thought I would update my blog.  My grandson is a little over a week old now and he is still the greatest thing since slice bread.  Go figure!!  He had his first doctor's appt yesterday and I tagged along.  He is doing well and he got his first shot yesterday.  Him and mom were both upset for a little bit but they both did good.  I went shopping before they got here and bought him some clothes.  Not like he doesn't have tons but they were just too cute not to buy.  LOL.

 

I am still having problems dealing with my soon to be ex-husband and the upbringing of our son, Christian.  He has no idea how to deal with a special needs child like Christian.  Maybe one day he will but it is very doubtful.  As far as the rest of my life it is going good.  I am still working as a phlebotomist and I am with a wonderful man that I think the world of.  None of my family (parents & siblings) seems to think that he is wonderful but what else is new.  They have never cared for anyone I have ever been with.  I guess they tolerated everyone else and this time they have decided not to.  So they don't come to visit me unless he isn't here and he isn't allowed to go with me when I visit them.  We had a great big family blow up back in August with some bad decisions and comments on everyones part made.  Everyone is slowly healing from that but I know that I will never get to spend the family functions with the two things I love, my family and him.  Needless to say I am not looking forward to Christmas this year.  Enough about that it is too depressing and it will drive me crazy if I dwell on it too long.  I do look forward to it being Hayden's first Christmas.  He may not remember it but I will. 

 

Well got to go.  Thanks for stopping by.

 

Jennie

 

 

Hello Everyone!!!

 

Well on November 21, 2007 at 2:55pm EST my whole world changed!!  It was at that moment I became the newest Granny on the Block.  My daughter Sierra gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.  His name is Hayden Mathew.  He weighed 7lbs 9ozs and was 20 inches long.  I had never really witnessed a birth except for those of my own children, I was excited and a nervous wreck.  Everything went well.  She did great.  I can't explain the feeling I had when I first got to hold him.  I had never experienced anything like it.   She got to come home yesterday and is doing pretty good.  She is a little sore but other than that she is doing great.  She has lots of help with family and friends.  This baby is a first for everyone involved.  I am sure he will be spoiled rotten.  I know if I have anything to do with it he will!!  I have attached some pics so enjoy and I will try my best to keep this updated like I used to.  Take care.

 

Later Tators!

 

PS.  I tried to upload photos to this blog entry and can't.  AAARRRGGHHHH  Will try and add them in an album instead.